Life often presents its challenges masked behind daily routines. Beneath the exterior of daily interactions and mundane tasks, many harbour a deeply rooted, “secret pain” – a concealed emotional turmoil, intense enough to cast a shadow on their very existence.

I really like that podcast episode on secret pain by The Life Coach School (Brooke Castillo) and I could definitely relate to it…

The Undercurrent of Concealed Struggles

The term “secret pain” aptly describes an emotional wound so profound that its sufferer believes no one else could comprehend its depth. This pain might manifest in different ways, such as the anguish associated with emotional overeating. Just like overeating is more than just a superficial act of indulgence, so is this pain more profound than it appears. Such was my experience; I felt isolated in my struggles, believing no one could grasp the torment I felt over what seemed a surface-level issue.

Living Through The Motions

Externally, life goes on – the job, family, friends. But internally, it feels like a facade. There’s an insidious presence of this pain, which can be chronic or sporadic. The real torment, however, isn’t just the pain itself but the accompanying shame. This shame intensifies the suffering, especially when one attempts to resist or deny it. The eventual result? A disassociation from life, joy, and even oneself.

The Danger of Silenced Suffering

The most devastating aspect of secret pain is its insidious nature. The longer it festers, the more corrosive its effects on self-worth and self-esteem. Such emotions can leave you feeling trapped, further exacerbated by the guilt and shame of being unable to express or admit these feelings. This silent torment can make one doubt their worth, even questioning their inherent goodness.

Path to Emotional Healing

If you find resonance with these feelings, understand that it’s possible to heal. However, healing requires acknowledging and confronting this secret pain. Casual conversations rarely suffice; intentional, deliberate approaches are essential. Here are some steps:

  • Hiring a Professional: Consider engaging a coach or therapist. Share your feelings candidly. A professional’s role isn’t to judge or offer advice but to bear witness to your pain and guide you in understanding it.
  • Speaking It Out: The act of vocalizing this concealed pain can be liberating. The acknowledgment and validation that come from sharing with another human being can be incredibly powerful.
  • Releasing and Moving Forward: While diving into the past might provide insights, focusing on current thought patterns is pivotal. Understand that you don’t need to change behaviours or circumstances; the primary aim is to release the pain.

The Power of Coaching

Coaching isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about empowering you to release pent-up emotional burdens and make clear-headed decisions that prioritize self-worth. You deserve freedom from secret pain, not as a luxury but as an essential right.

Conclusion- it is Time to Heal

Secret pain, though deeply personal, isn’t unique. Many go through life bearing its weight, thinking avoidance is the solution. However, it’s not. The pain can be healed. And while sharing might seem daunting, sometimes, the first step to healing is simply letting someone in.

Remember, you’re worthy of a life free from silent suffering. If this resonates with you, consider coaching. It’s an invitation to liberation.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. Sophie



Brooke Castillo, “Secret pain.” The Life Coach School Podcast, Episode 492, [2023].