What a sauna in Helsinki taught me about mental toughness, and why it matters more than we think

The good kind of cold

I have just returned from a short strategy retreat in Helsinki with Minna- my business partner on Flourish Financially. We went there to think, to plan, to breathe, and to look at Flourish Financially from a little further away. And as often happens, the deepest insight did not come from a spreadsheet or a strategy session. It came from my body.

It was minus six degrees.
We went to the sauna.
And then we went into the sea.

Choosing discomfort, consciously

Ice floating on the surface. The kind of cold that hurts instantly. I will not pretend I was heroic. I only went in up to my waist. But I went in. And something in me said, yes, this.

Not because it was pleasant.
But because it was chosen.

Standing there, half frozen and half laughing, I started thinking about something we do not talk about enough: mental toughness. Or rather, the version of it that genuinely supports growth.

Not the harsh, stoic, “push through at all costs” version.
But the kind that allows us to move towards discomfort on purpose, with awareness, care, and self-trust.

Mental toughness, redefined

In positive psychology, mental toughness and resilience are not defined as emotional suppression. They are understood as capacities that allow individuals to tolerate discomfort, regulate emotions, and remain engaged with life even under stress or uncertainty (PositivePsychology.com, 2024a). What matters is not the absence of difficulty, but the ability to respond flexibly and intentionally.

That moment in the sea reminded me of something simple and profound:

Resilience is not avoiding the cold.
It is knowing you can enter it, and come back out.

When life asks us to step forward, not back

Entrepreneurship, leadership, and meaningful life transitions feel a lot like that. The goals we set for ourselves, the visions we dare to hold, and the changes we want to make in our lives often require us to step into sensations we would rather avoid: fear, doubt, exposure, effort, uncertainty.

Positive psychology research highlights that psychological flexibility, the ability to remain open to experience while choosing actions aligned with one’s values, is a core component of long-term wellbeing and resilience (PositivePsychology.com, 2024b). Growth does not come from avoiding discomfort, but from learning how to relate to it differently.

Staying is sometimes the bravest move

Earlier this week, I attended a session with Brooke Castillo where she spoke about emotional resilience and mental toughness in a way that resonated deeply with me. We have rightly learned the importance of gentleness and self-compassion. Yet growth also requires staying present with resistance and continuing to move, even slowly. As long as we are moving, we are not stuck.

Mental toughness, in this sense, is not about forcing.
It is about staying.

Staying with the sensation.
Staying with the effort.
Staying with the choice we made, one small action at a time.

Training the nervous system, not proving strength

The Wim Hof Method offers an interesting illustration of this principle. When cold exposure is approached intentionally, alongside breath regulation and recovery, it may support nervous system adaptability and emotional regulation. Emerging research suggests that controlled cold exposure, when combined with conscious breathing and commitment, can influence stress responses and psychological wellbeing (Almahayni & Hammond, 2024).

Cold exposure, in this context, is not about proving strength. It is about training the nervous system to remain calm under stress, to breathe through discomfort, and to realise: I can be with this, and it will not destroy me.

That realisation is powerful. It changes how we approach everything else.

The kind of resilience we want to cultivate

As we return to our work with Flourish Financially, this is exactly the kind of capacity we want to support in the women we accompany. Not bravado. Not pressure. But inner strength, emotional flexibility, and trust in oneself.

Which brings me to a small invitation.

We are currently running a short survey to help us refine and deepen how we support our community. We are close to reaching our goal, and if you have two or three minutes, your voice would truly matter to us. This is how we listen, adapt, and grow, together.

Sometimes growth looks like entering icy water.
Sometimes it looks like answering a few thoughtful questions.
Both are acts of courage in their own way.

A gentle question to leave you with

Where in your life might you be avoiding discomfort, not because it is wrong, but because you have forgotten how strong and capable you already are?

You do not need to jump into freezing water.
But perhaps there is a small step, a small edge, a small stretch quietly calling you.

Sincerely yours,
Dr Sophie

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References

Almahayni, O., & Hammond, L. (2024). Does the Wim Hof Method have a beneficial impact on physiological and psychological outcomes? PLOS ONE, 19(3), e0298890. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0286933  

PositivePsychology.com. (2024a). How to be mentally strong and build mental toughness. https://positivepsychology.com/mentally-strong/

PositivePsychology.com. (2024b). Resilience theory: A comprehensive guide. https://positivepsychology.com/resilience-theory/