This past week has left me profoundly moved. We have just closed the doors for the second time on our Wealth & Mindset Academy for women at Flourish Financially. The response from our community, and the women we have had the honour to support, has humbled and delighted me. Reflecting on the past year, witnessing this project take shape affirms that something very real is unfolding.
And so I ask: How do I know this is success?
Do I have the capacity to truly experience it?
I would like to share three lessons I have learned (and am still learning). Perhaps they will resonate with you, wherever you are in your journey.
Success is beyond numbers
When I began coaching three years ago, one of my first exercises was to define my own measures of success. What matters to me, not what the world expects. What emerged:
- Having impact, by helping people live more fulfilling lives.
- Running a financially sustainable, profitable business.
- Having fun in my work each day.
These are not sales quotas or externally imposed targets. They are compass points guiding me toward a life I want to live.
How do I feel that this is working? I often ask: “If tomorrow I were gone, what would I regret?” My answer, so far, is nothing.
Targets and goals matter differently than we think
Another powerful lessons I have learned from coaching is that goals are rarely the real point. They are a vessel for growth. What matters is who you become in pursuit of them: the skills you cultivate, the new people you meet, the versions of yourself you touch along the way.
Minna Schmidt recently shared a post about this very dynamic, reflecting on how rigid targets can sometimes work against us, and how liberating it can be to let goals serve rather than control us. You can read her reflections here: Minna Schmidt on goals and growth.
Success, then, is not about meeting the target. It is effectively about the becoming.
The capacity to savour
For years, I was chasing goal after goal, pausing only for a brief sigh of relief before diving into the next. I rarely allowed myself to feel done. It was like running in a tunnel, always searching for the next exit, without noticing the light beyond.
I am learning that resilience and mental strength (often described as mental toughness) are not built by relentless forward push alone, but also by allowing ourselves to savour. To linger in the feeling of accomplishment. To acknowledge, even just for a moment, that we have arrived somewhere meaningful.
Speaking my successes was harder. I feared sounding boastful. Yet I see now that sharing is part of the journey, both for me and for those who may see themselves in my story.
Rewriting the “quiet success” script
Many women are socialised to downplay their wins, to be humble, discreet, unassuming. What would happen if we actually were deciding to try and play by other rules?
I have personally come to see that words, stories, and lived experience hold power. They uplift and inspire. When a woman steps into her success and speaks it, she reshapes what success looks like for others.
Yes, it takes courage and responsibility. Yes, there is fear. But I embrace the discomfort because I want us to normalise success for women in all its forms. Not as arrogance, but as authentic presence.
An invitation to you
How do you define success, on your own terms?
Do you allow yourself to feel it, to name it, to embody it?
What stories are you telling yourself about your achievements?
I invite you to reply and share. Let us celebrate together the growth, the journey, and the unfolding of what is still ahead.
If you wish to explore this personally, coaching can help you reconcile your story, unlock capacity, and claim your space. You are always 100% worthy, already on your path, and deserving of feeling successful in this life curriculum.
Sincerely yours,
Dr Sophie
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Inspired by
Clough, P. J., Earle, K., & Sewell, D. (2002). Mental toughness: The concept and its measurement. In I. Cockerill (Ed.), Solutions in sport psychology (pp. 32–43). Thomson.
Bryant, F. B., & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Rosenberg, R. S. (2010, September 1). On mental toughness. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-superheroes/201009/on-mental-toughness Psychology Today
Renshaw, K. (2018, July 3). What is savoring — and why is it the key to happiness? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201807/what-is-savoring-and-why-is-it-the-key-happiness
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