Why I Stopped Hating Bucket Lists

How I turned planning from a pressure tool into a practice of joy — and what a trip to Prague with my daughter taught me.

I used to hate bucket lists.
Just like goal-setting, they made me feel uneasy — even a little trapped.

For a long time, I thought these lists were just another way to remind ourselves of what we haven’t done yet. To me, they seemed like instruments of pressure, not pleasure. And for years, I completely dismissed them.

What I didn’t realise back then is that planning of any kind — whether it’s a calendar, a vision board, or a bucket list — can be turned into either an instrument of torture or an instrument of nurture. It all depends on the intention behind it.

From “Must-Do” to “Meaning-Full”

When I finally revisited the idea of a bucket list, I did so with curiosity rather than resistance. What if this wasn’t about checking boxes before I die… but about celebrating the fact that I’m alive?

That small shift changed everything.
Instead of focusing on what was missing, I began to think about what I longed to experience — not to prove anything, but to feel connected, joyful, and “on my way.”

This is what I came to understand: a bucket list can be a compass, not a scoreboard. It’s not about chasing achievement; it’s about designing memories and milestones that feel aligned with who you are becoming.

There Is Science Behind It

Positive psychology actually supports this idea.
According to researchers such as Christopher Peterson (Psychology Today, 2011) , bucket lists reflect key principles of well-being: they bring structure to our aspirations, activate intrinsic motivation, and create what Daniel Kahneman called “peaks” — memorable experiences that shape how we remember our lives.

But, as Peterson noted, the real power of a bucket list depends on what’s on it.
When the items connect us to something larger than ourselves — people we love, values we cherish, causes we care about — they move us from self-centred achievement to meaning-centred living.

In other words: The best bucket lists are not about dying — they’re about living well.

From Planning to Flourishing

For a long time, I saw planning as the opposite of freedom.
Now, I see it as a way to create a sense of safety, flow, and self-trust.

When done with kindness and flexibility, planning becomes an act of self-care.
It helps me live intentionally — not anxiously. It gives rhythm to my energy and meaning to my days.

A few years ago, I decided to introduce one intentional tradition into my life — a November trip with one of my daughters each year. The purpose was simple but deeply meaningful:
to travel with my girls, to show them the world, and to create shared memories that reflect who we are and where we come from.

Each trip becomes a small goal in itself — not a box to tick, but a celebration of connection and curiosity. This year, it was Prague with my youngest, Emilie, now seven and “reasonable enough,” as I like to say, to enjoy wandering cobblestone streets and hearing stories about where her parents got married fifteen years ago.

These journeys remind me why goal-setting can be so powerful when it’s aligned with our values. It’s not about chasing something far away; it’s about creating moments that feel alive, purposeful, and true to who we are.

So yes, I’ve made peace with planning.
And perhaps I’ve even come to love it — not for the boxes it lets me tick, but for the life it helps me nurture.

A Reflection for You

If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at bucket lists or felt guilty about unfinished goals, maybe it’s time to rewrite the rules.

Ask yourself:

• What do I truly want to experience — not to impress others, but to feel alive?
• What small step could I take this month to bring one of these wishes closer?
• And how could I make planning a gentle ally rather than a relentless critic?

When your goals pull you forward instead of pushing you hard, you’re not just planning your life — you’re flourishing in it.

Sincerely Yours,
Dr Sophie

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References

Peterson, C. (2011, February 8). “Bucket Lists and Positive Psychology.” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-good-life/201102/bucket-lists-and-positive-psychology